I spent a lot of time thinking through how to share my experience. I thank God for his grace and mercy in bringing me through this illness and want to share in a way that brings a little perspective from my experience. I also hope to convince those people who still haven’t been able to make the connection of the seriousness of this virus to their everyday lives and how their actions affect those around them that this is real.

At the start of the pandemic, I did everything we were told to do: I stayed home, washed my hands and kept them out of my face, sanitized everything. I wiped down shopping carts, door handles and kept and used the alcohol wipes in my purse. I didn’t wear gloves or a mask (that hadn’t really become a thing yet).

Nonetheless, my second week working from home, I was feeling sick. I had chills, nausea, headaches, body aches, a fever and general exhaustion. I’d lay down to rest as soon as the workday was over. Like many people that had these symptoms, I thought I just had the flu because I was careful. But, I wasn’t getting better.

Then I learned that my brother was sick. We hadn’t been together since the holidays so we didn’t infect each other. But after we talked, he decided to do a telemedicine appointment with his doctor. Based on his symptoms including shortness of breath, he was diagnosed as being positive for COVID-19. He was prescribed medication to help manage his illness and thank God, after about a week or so he began to recover. 

Also by this time, the virus had fully cemented it’s infamous reputation of killing people with brutal and indiscriminate efficiency. 

Me, I  was still trying to “self-correct” and a couple of days after my brother’s telemedicine call, I finally decided to do a telemedicine appointment myself. (I highly recommend it, by the way). We talked through my symptoms and the Nurse Practitioner was incredibly thorough and noticed that I also had shortness of breath, as well. She gave me the choice to either have an ambulance take me to the ER or take myself.  My husband and I were worried enough to get it together and get to the hospital. 

At the hospital, they did the nasal swab (it is as horrible as you think it is), admitted and took me to a room with no windows and no bathroom. Nurses in PPE and took my vitals and apparently, I REALLY needed oxygen. I did not have the presence of mind to record anything in real time.  Most of the time to be honest, I was perpetually lightheaded and asleep. When I was lucid, I was plotting my escape. Every time they woke me, they were injecting me, feeding my IV drip or standing over me until I took the pills they brought in. Or, they were waking me to eat whatever weird thing they brought in on a food tray.

I saw how the nurses did everything they could to protect themselves. I had to wear a mask while in the hospital as well. The staff was wonderful but they are stressed beyond belief and who can blame them? I could have infected any one of them.

I was lucky. While I was ill for a while, I only had a 3-day hospital stay and about 8 days to continue to recover at home. Even today I still feel a bit of weakness occasionally, get a little lightheaded and my voice is still not quite back. Overall, I’m doing fine but it seems to affect people differently.

Doing the Right Thing

Intellectually, I knew the things to do to stay safe and mitigate the risks. Emotionally, I had never really connected myself with the importance of doing these things because like most people, it wasn’t going to happen to me. Or, it would affect a friend or loved one and I would be more a helper than a first-hand victim.

That’s not how things worked out. COVID-19 mocks you and any expectations you might have.  

COVID-19 has brought so much tragedy to so many of us. Dying from the virus never occurred to me until I was back home and learned that a friend and her husband had been admitted to the hospital. She’s out now, he’s been on a ventilator for more than a month in intensive care.The relative of an acquaintance was found dead in her home. I believe we all know someone or lost someone or is praying that a loved one comes home soon. There are so many people that had it so much worse than me and some that didn’t make it. 

As I write this, the death count in the US is over 60,000. I’m reminded that the number could have been plus one. I am blessed. 

COVID-19 is brutal and insidious. It shows no remorse and doesn’t bother to take names and it doesn’t care who you are. Give it the opportunity to get in and it will. This virus has taken the lives of more of my friends and acquaintances than I can count on both hands and it’s always, always a shock. Some of the people I know that have died from the virus or complications from it were not all “sick”. Oftentimes it seemed to happen out of the blue. But it is always a shock. And, they were not always older people. I just learned that another friend has COVID-19 and the hits keep coming.

Social distancing is important to help manage this virus as a community.  So is sanitizing, wearing a mask and gloves for your safety and the safety of others.  And staying at home; is not the worst thing. Who knows, you might even get to know the people you live with.

I’m lucky enough to be able to work from home which makes it easy for me to “shelter in place”.  It’s not that easy for everyone. But it is important that we all do everything we can to make it safer and better. Protect yourself and the ones you love. Have consideration for those that can’t work from home; mail carriers, restaurant workers, healthcare workers, sanitation workers, cops…It still frightens me that I’m not sure if I have antibodies built up or if I’m a walking contagion putting others at possible risk or if I’m more susceptible in the future. Nobody seems to know.

I am not interested in going through COVID-19 again and I don’t want to see anyone else suffer through it. I am reminded that if my oxygen level had continued to drop, I could have just as easily ended up on a ventilator and/or dying alone in that hospital room with no windows as it was for me to come back to recover in the comfort of my own home. I get emotional when I see healthcare workers on TV talking through their experiences, fears and stress. Too many of us have laid too many of our loved ones to rest as a result of this virus to get lax or take a “break” from this fight.

Normal Has Been Cancelled Until Further Notice…

I wanted to be careful not to turn this post into a sermon but a teachable moment and not be hyperbolic and overly dramatic in sharing my experience.  I got through the virus with the love and care of my husband, my family, friends and co-workers. I hope to never forget and I hope to take less things for granted. That is one of the many lessons I learned, at my age.

We have been talking a lot about getting back to normal or getting to a new normal.  Normal doesn’t help anyone that was in a precarious position before this pandemic. Normal takes people back to where they were before and if normal sucked for them then, I suppose it’s not gonna improve much in an economic climate that’s even more harsh. A “new normal” is way too subjective to do enough good for people that deserve better. I am looking forward to a better normal where we find opportunities to help each other and not just until “this thing blows over” but from now on. 

And there’s a lot to do in this fight if we want to get to a better normal. Most fundamentally, when you protect yourself you’re also protecting the people around you. Use the mask and gloves, keep your butt at home if you don’t have to go anywhere. If you do have to go out into the wild, keep your distance from those around you. If you can, get tested. If you feel sick, stay home. These strategies do work. For everyone. It bears repeating.

If you know of someone that is struggling financially through this pandemic and you have the means, help them out if you can. Help out at a pantry or make a donation, give blood, call and check up on an older relative or neighbor or someone you know that may be living alone. While we are separated right now, no one should feel alone in this.

Many times we feel like things like this are too big for one person. They are. But, if we all do a little bit, just a tiny little bit, that big thing that we can’t see over or get around by ourselves gets smaller and easier to defeat when we do it together. If we do it together in the spirit of cooperation, we can get through anything. And, it is really a matter of life and death.